So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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