youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
