my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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