bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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