I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
