If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
