I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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