I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
