oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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