I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
