I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
