I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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