When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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