ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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