This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
