He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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