Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
