you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
