i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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