when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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