What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
