i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
