At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
