Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
