the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
