I got chris browned last night
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
