I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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