I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
