Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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