Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My underwear smells like fireworks.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
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