Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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