it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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