I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
