I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You can't just leave with hair like that
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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