y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
