OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
