She said her name was "party"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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