handjob tips. give me some.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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