the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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