Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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