Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
