Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
