i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
