Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
