I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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