i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
