it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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