He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
