i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
