Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
