It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
