too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
