I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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