it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
