Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
NoShamevember. You game?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
