I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
