Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
