the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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