I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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