my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
