Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
