We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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