Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
